It feels like it should be easy to decide who comes out on top in a contest, but it is often more complicated than just win or lose. And since we are obsessed with wins and losses in pretty much all contexts, it becomes important to tease out the nuances of victory and defeat. If you are following the World Cup at all, you undoubtedly heard about Cape Verde battling Spain to a draw in their first group match. To be clear, Cape Verde is a tiny country off the coast of West Africa, population of around half a million, playing in their first Cup. And Spain is, well, Spain. One of only eight Cup champions – won it in 2010 – population almost 50 million and a football powerhouse. So while no one technically won that match, a 0-0 draw (soccer haters hold your tongues) can only be seen as a major victory for the Cabo lads. I guaran-damn-tee you that Spain saw it as a defeat, and a painful one. I bring this up as a prelude to taking a look at the US’s record in armed conflict. While there are definitely some clear beatings, there are many that warrant a closer look. You can guess where this is going. Here we go.
Revolutionary War – W – So plucky, so lucky, independence for us!
War of 1812 W, barely – I’ll give us the win because we got maritime sovereignty out of Ghent, but only by a hair.
Mexican-American War – W – Since it got us what would become my home state, big win.
Civil War – W – I give that reluctantly since 700,000 dead Americans is a loss for everyone, but the Union did prevail and abolished slavery.
Spanish-American War – W – Another win by virtue of gaining territory.
World War I – W – On the winning team at least.
World War II – W – See above with less credit for showing up so late.
Korean War – Draw – Korea is still divided, enough said.
Vietnam – L – Saigon falls, our tail gets tucked firmly between our legs.
First Gulf War – W – I’m sure Kuwait would agree.
Afghanistan – L – If you spend twenty years fighting somewhere and nothing changes . . .
Second Gulf War – No Decision – Saddam went down but we left the region so screwed up it can’t be a win.
By my count that makes us 8-3-2, but a sports pundit would be quick to point out that we only have one win in our last five outings. Which brings us to the latest debacle.
The short version is that we are Spain in this story. Technically we didn’t take a loss, but there is no question that Iran came out waaaaay ahead. There will be lots of crowing and chest thumping by Trumpster and his minions, which will be facilitated by there having been no clear objectives to begin with. If you don’t define the conditions of victory no one can prove that you lost. But. Somewhere in the teens of claims of a pending resolution Donny did in fact say nothing less than “unconditional surrender” would be acceptable. (It is not surprising that this ignorant fucker doesn’t know his WWII history and how much grief that ended up causing FDR, but damn.) And there was something about an entire civilization being destroyed if he didn’t get his way, but let’s not quibble. Let’s instead look at the parameters of this unquestionable defeat.
Losses. Iran lost most of its navy, had a fair amount of infrastructure damaged and their regime was unseated, if only for a hot second. We spent $110 BILLION dollars, drastically depleted our arms reserves, lost basically every international ally except Israel (and that is on paper thin ice), and tanked our economy.
Gains. Iran is getting billions of dollars, now has control of the Strait of Hormuz, has a more firmly entrenched hardline regime and has their nuclear program on better footing than in 2018. What did we get? Nothing, nada, bupkis, zippo, nil – except a big fat shit pie of embarrassment and shame. That, my friends, is a loss, pure and simple.
The Liar in Chief is taking credit for getting the Strait open but we must never forget that it was only closed because he started the fucking war. It should also be noted that this is mostly still pro forma at this point. The only thing we know for sure about this deal is that it isn’t done. It is more like a plan to consider a formulation of a deal. And since these asshats can wreak havoc before breakfast, let’s not assume they can stay out of trouble for sixty days. So put another L in the list and hope it doesn’t get worse.
I felt bad for Spain even as I reveled in Cape Verde’s joy. The thing is, the Spanish team probably got ripped in the locker room after the game, are now fired up to redeem themselves, have coaches and trainers working to address weaknesses, are busting their asses to get better.- and have another game in a few days. Does that sound anything like Trump and Co.? Not so much. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that we never take the field again with these jokers in charge.